Are you ready to wrestle with some of the topics on the newest segment in the series, “Aaron’s Adventures in Employment?” APH CareerConnect introduces the “Attitude Adjusters.”
Transcript of the Attitude Adjusters
(AARON’S ADVENTURES THEME MUSIC UP AND UNDER)
NARRATOR: APH CareerConnect, a program of the American Foundation for the Blind, presents another episode of Aaron’s Adventures in Employment: (HEAVY METAL BEAT UNDER) “The Attitude Adjustors”.
(MUSIC FADES OUT)
Aaron’s been employed in his new job for six weeks now and he’s getting comfortable—maybe a little too comfortable. Today’s the day of his first employee evaluation. Will Aaron survive his first review?
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
SUPERVISOR: Yes, please come in.
AARON: Hey there, Ms. Brown, wazzup?
SUPERVISOR: Hello, Aaron, please have a seat. I know that this is your first employee review. Basically, we periodically check in with our employees to make sure they are meeting their goals, performing well for the company, and working well with our team. We look at what you are doing well, and we make plans to help you do better in challenging areas.
AARON: Yeah, yeah I get that.
SUPERVISOR: If you are doing well, it could mean a raise or a promotion…
SUPERVISOR: …but if you aren’t working on improvements it could mean that you could be let go.
SUPERVISOR: Let’s take a look at how you are doing; let’s start with your work performance.
SUPERVISOR: Aaron, we are very pleased with your work. You are getting all of your data completed and in on time and we rarely see any errors. We appreciate all of the extra work you have done to help us make your equipment adaptable, and to make your own adjustments so that other staff don’t have extra work or have to work around your needs.
AARON: Cool! Do I get a raise then?
SUPERVISOR: Hang on just a minute; there are some issues that we need to talk about.
SUPERVISOR: It’s your attitude, Aaron.
AARON: My attitude?
SUPERVISOR: Aaron, I have had several complaints from your co-workers and customer about the way you treat them and your work habits.
AARON: You believe them?
SUPERVISOR: I’ve seen these things for myself. For example, I watched you and Jim purposely trip Susan with your cane several times, and pretend it was an accident.
AARON: (LAUGHING) That was hilarious!
SUPERVISOR: And I’ve seen you transfer phone calls from difficult customers to the mail room—where they couldn’t possibly help them!
AARON: But they were wasting my time!
SUPERVISOR: And twice last month you missed the bus and bothered your co-workers for rides.
AARON: They didn’t mind.
SUPERVISOR: I know these may seem like small things to you, Aaron, but if you can’t respect the members of our team and our customers, then you are liability to this company—it doesn’t matter how good your work is.
AARON: Are you serious?
SUPERVISOR: Aaron, you need an attitude adjustment! Or you are not going to make it with this company.
NARRATOR: Late that night, at home in his room, Aaron is still thinking about his employee review—and he’s getting angrier by the minute.
AARON: What is up with Ms. Brownnoser? (IMITATING) “Aaron, your work is so good, but you need an attitude adjustment or you’re fired!” Attitude adjustment? What the heck is that, anyway? It’s not like something you can just Google. I’m going to try it! (TYPING KEYS) At-ti-tude A-djust-ment…Return…
COMPUTER JAWS: Call the Attitude Adjustment Federation…24/7 emergency career advice and support…only a click away…
AARON: Seriously, there’s an Attitude Adjustment Federation? You’ve got to be kidding me. I’ve got to check this site out. (CLICKS ON LINK)
(HEAVY METAL MUSIC UNDER, WALL CRASHING)
AARON: What the heck just happened?
EVEN STEVENS: Hello, Aaron, I’m Even Stevens, president of the Attitude Adjustment Federation, the AAF. We’re here to respond to your career emergency.
AARON: Wow, that was fast!
EVEN STEVENS: If you have an attitude problem, there’s no time to waste in fixing it. Are you ready to rock and rollllllllll!!!?
AARON: I guess?
EVEN STEVENS: Now, let me introduce you to our world famous Attitude Adjustors—in this corner…THE CAREER KILLER…he’s your boss’s worst NIGHTMARE.
(EVIL, CHEESY HEAVY METAL MUSIC—CROWD BOOS)
CAREER KILLER: I’m the number-one employee in the Universe!!! (BOOS) Companies fall at my feet and kiss them…everyone wants me in their data department…I can crunch numbers into dust. I can beat deadlines like no other…I am the King!!! (BOOS) Now let me you tell you something brother…all those other co-workers are WIMPS! Who needs them? If you want something done right, do it yourself! They only dream they could be as good as me. I am the undisputed Employment Champion!!! WHAAUUUUGH! (BOOS!!)
AARON: What a jerk! Hey, is there a crowd here in my bedroom?
EVEN STEVENS: And in this corner, the contender, Flair for Success!!!
(CHEERS, MORE UPBEAT CHEESY METAL MUSIC)
FLAIR FOR SUCCESS: I am who I am because of I have great people in my corner. My company is number one! (CHEERS) There is no victory like a team victory!! Tonight, right here in this ring, I will prove that the dude with the right attitude can never lose! I’m cooking up the sweet smell of success and it smells like the Attitude Adjustment Federation Employment Championship!!! (CHEERS)
EVEN STEVENS: Aaron, you are about to witness a classic battle—only one attitude can win in the workplace and have the cherished title of Champion Employee. It all depends on who makes the right Career Moves in the Workplace Arena. (BELL RINGS) Let the battle begin! (CHEERING AND BOOING)
EVEN STEVENS: Career Killer and Flair for Success walk to the center of the mat…they’re sizing each other up…oh, this is going to be ugly. (CROWD VOLUME INCREASES)
Wait a minute…someone has just entered the ring. It’s Susan, on her way to the copy room with a stack of papers. (CROWD VOLUME) What’s this—what’s happening? Uh-oh, the Career Killer is preparing to trip Susan with his cane. This is going to be horrible! I can hardly watch! (CROWD SHOUTING)
Wait a minute, wait a minute—Flair for Success has seized the cane from the Career Killer—he’s folding it up and putting it safely away in his corner. Susan now has safe passage to the copy room!! She can finish her work on time! (CHEERING)
EVEN STEVENS: Another difficult workplace situation is presenting itself…the contenders have missed the bus!! What will they do? Oh no, Flair for Success is panicked, he’s frozen—he doesn’t know how to get home! Career Killer is climbing out of the ring!! (CROWD CHEERS LOUDER) He has grabbed an innocent co-worker in the audience and he’s lifting him high into the air! (CO-WORKER SCREAMING)
CAREER KILLER: (BELLOWING) You’re taking me home!!!!!
EVEN STEVENS: Career Killer is taking serious advantage of his co-worker to get what he wants. He doesn’t care about his co-worker’s life! This is brutal; it’s torture—ohhh, the lack of humanity!!! But wait…what is Flair for Success doing with his cell phone… (CROWD SILENCES. BEEPING OF CELLPHONE)
PHONE: Orange cab service, can I help you?
EVEN STEVENS: (CROWD CHEERS) He’s calling for a cab! He’s calling for a cab! What a magnificent gesture of respect and independence! He’s played this one like a true champion. Flair for Success needs only win one more workplace scenario and he has the employment title!! (RING OF BELL)
(NEW METAL MUSIC UNDER)
IRATE CUSTOMER: I’m the toughest challenger of all, and I’m gonna get what I want or I’m gonna get you fired!
EVEN STEVENS: What a shocker!! The most challenging contestant ever has just entered the Workplace Arena!!! It’s the IRATE CUSTOMER. (BOOS)
IRATE CUSTOMER: I’m the Irate Customer and the Customer is always right. I demand your courtesy. I demand your respect. I want satisfaction and you’re gonna give it to me now!!!
CAREER KILLER: Not so fast, Irate Customer. I’m not going to let you waste my precious time. You’re going down, buster, down, down to the mail rooooom!!!!
FLAIR FOR SUCCESS: I can give you satisfaction, Mr. Customer. But I can’t do it alone!
(HEAVY METAL/ MUSIC CHEERS)
EVEN STEVENS: Flair for Success is motioning to his tag team—his co-workers are entering the ring and standing beside him! They are circling around the Irate Customer—they seem to be negotiating together, relying on each other’s special expertise…wait a minute…wait a minute…Irate Customer is smiling! He’s shaking their hands! The Irate Customer has been neutralized!!!! (INCREASED CHEERING, BELL RINGS) Flair for Success is the undisputed Employment Champion! The Career Killer has been terminated.
AARON: This is unreal!!
EVEN STEVENS: No, Aaron, this is very real. This is your life. Throughout your career, a positive, teamwork attitude will always, always win out over your own individual ambitions.
AARON: That’s great advice. I can see what Ms. Brown was talking about now.
EVEN STEVENS: Our work here is done—your attitude has been adjusted. Now Aaron, get back in the ring and be a champion!
AARON: I’ll do it!
NARRATOR: Aaron didn’t forget the lessons of the Attitude Adjustors. At his two month review he was praised for his work performance and his attitude—and he got a raise! If you’re in search of an Attitude Adjustment, don’t bother calling the Attitude Adjustor Federation—just check out the CareerConnect website at aphcareerconnect.org. CareerConnect is a program of the American Foundation for the Blind!